Three months earlier and a week before her tenth birthday, Mariah was diagnosed with chronic depression. Doctors had ruled out any physical condition to explain why she was unable to walk and continued with dizzy spells that kept her out of school on a number of occasions during the term. Her parents were advised that Mariah had a chemical imbalance in her brain causing the neurotransmitters not to work properly—this is chronic depression.

Doctors were hopeful that she could “grow out” of the condition but in the interim they would treat her with a variety of anti-depressants because she needed to be able to function. In addition to the anti-depressants she received B12 shots weekly because her immune system was somewhat compromised as well. Many of the anti-depressants included side effects that were scary for Mariah as well as her parents. That was in 1965 when psychotherapy was still several years away from promoting counseling as a complement to prescription drug treatment for children.

Today, at age 56, Mariah continues to battle severe bouts of chronic depression. The consequences of depression as an adult are more significant and have a greater impact on Mariah. Jokingly, co-workers and acquaintances have nicknamed her “Eyore” because so many times she is down or lacking of any emotion. She takes the joke well but silently it hurts her because she knows they and others do not know the real Mariah hidden deep inside. All they see are the symptoms that manifest from depression—a lack of self-esteem, moodiness and apathy.

Mariah is certain that she could have done more with her life and could have reached her full potential as an adult without the burden of depression. She is convinced that she was “born old” and missed the simple joys of being a child because her mind visited dark places children do not usually go. Although Mariah is not “hopeful” neither is she “hopeless.” She continues on her medications and seeks good counseling with professionals so she does not experience long dark periods making it difficult for her to function.

All she ever wanted was an opportunity to feel some emotion, to announce “I am happy,” “I am in love with life,” “I am….”

Mariah has found the strength to manage her depression by the counseling she has obtained at Catholic Family Services, an Agency of Catholic Charities Federation. She looks forward to her sessions with her professional counselor because she is gaining a greater understanding of herself and her emotions and she feels more positive after each session.

Over her years as an adult Mariah has willingly participated in many studies and surveys conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) so that her suffering may be of some benefit to others in the future.

Often, depression is disguised in children and adults as something else. It can be masked as anger, rage, sadness, etc. It is imperative that parents, other family members and educators are informed and continue to show interest in those who manifest any of the symptoms of depression. Inside of each depressed person is a person incredibly isolated, repressed and hurt. They never see themselves as beautiful and graceful butterflies bringing joy to a spring garden; rather, they remain the less beautiful caterpillar crawling along to advance.